Whether it's up, or down...

It's hard to take in those words sometimes from my fellow artisans, "You're the up and coming artist" or "The one so and so magazine said to watch for" in an article I do not even recall being written about me. Funny how that passed me by. But it all seems so strange, for even though I know I am talented I do not always believe others think I am. I do have my moments of self-doubt though, those moments when I think I just simply suck at what I do. It's those long stretches when I haven't sold anything. One starts to believe the world doesn't like what you're doing and you should just quit and cut your losses before too much heart ache is suffered. But for some unforsaken reason I keep pushing myself forward. And why haven't I quit yet?

So the words are strange to me. I do not feel like the up and coming artist, or the artist to be on the look out for. I feel like the shy and apprehensive girl who is stuck at a job which stresses her out forty hours a week. I feel like a shrinking violet who gets terrified of having to go to gallery shows at the risk of talking to strangers; and then on the occasion to be recognized now by strangers based on my work alone I only shrink more. I am the girl who often wants to give up. I often feel like I am beating a dead horse making an endless array of pieces, that like most art, sits in a gallery for months only to be viewed at and never given a home.

I guess I assumed always if you were up and coming your inventory was always empty. You could finally leave that horrible forty hour day job that drags you down and join the race of people who love the work they do.

But, I can say this... as strange as those words are to me, up and coming and the artist to be on the look out for...  I may be confused on the meaning and I may never fully understand it, perhaps it is taking me somewhere. Things seem to have changed in the past year. The level of gallery shows are different and how I am noticed is different as well. It is a strange thing, perhaps a little scary. It may be stressful carrying the load I have taken on in the hopes of dumping the excess of day jobs later on. One can only hope, right?

So, maybe one day I will be the up and coming artist; and maybe I will be that artist that the magazine article informs you to keep an eye out for. I do not know if that is who I am right now. I hope I will be one day though. I can only hope, right?